Thank You Malik

We love cricket but we hate our cricketers. This notion seems to be paradoxical but it’s a reality. It is very hard to be a cricketer in our country. First there is no system that can locate or spot talent and second there is no quality domestic cricket that can polish that talent and impart skill in it. Our cricket is so redundant that we are always a step behind from our contemporaries; so, when a player comes either he is a parchi or a mirchi. Parchi fades away with time but a mirchi leaves you teary eyed but you still want more of it because you are hooked to the taste. However, this is not the topic of my blog. It is Pakistan cricket so there will always be reasons to rant about and criticizing it our favorite past time. Sometimes I think cricket is the youngest member of our families; always wrong and the target of every jibe.  This peace is about Shoaib Malik.

Shoaib Malik has taken retirement from ODIs. This is not big news, sportsmen retire all the time. They have a useful life and Malik has already taken his leave from the test cricket. He and we all would have hoped a better farewell for him but unfortunately it ends like this for him. Customary thing would be to wish him luck and move forward but the longevity of his career does not make the goodbye easy. There are so many moments. There are so many memories and there are so many Shoaib Maliks.

I still remember when Malik hit his first international maximum, he cramped and he looked cute while cramping. I remember his bowling action because it was similar to that of Saqlain Mushtaq. He was just a boy when he started playing and it has been 20 years since then. He came of age in the mid 2000's. Woolmer’s nurturing made him a good number 3 in ODIs and the added advantage was that he could spin the bowl too but after being called for a suspect action couple of times and a failed captaincy stint he got dropped. He should have faded away had he been somewhere else but here in our cricket, picture is always baaki hay meray dost so, he made comebacks after comebacks. Every time written off and every time he bounced back with more zeal and more zest. So when you will look, you will find him everywhere; braking his arm while taking a catch against England, winning a one day series in India, losing a T20 domestic match because he was angry at the umpires, grieving Woolmer in Jamaica, losing a T20 World Cup final then two years later winning one, ICC Champions Trophy 2017 final and vice versa. He was part of every frame and ever memory good or bad. He has been an eye witness to our changing fortunes. He has seen the game evolving and changing. In pure meme terms, Malik has become the Qaim Ali Shah of our cricket.

All these moments made him what he is today. That is why I wrote that there were many Shoaib Maliks. His journey is full of ups and down; from a promising young talent to a dependable team man then from a failed captain and bits and pieces player to the senior pro and mentor who trotted the globe and returned only to share his gift. The Obi Wan-Kenobi that was always fighting his inner Darth Vader. Whatever the experts think of his batting technique and flaws as a player for me he will always be someone who wasn’t able to materialize his potential.

His exit from the game is an end of an era but there will always be so many stories to tell.

Men in a male dominated society

A Patriarchal society is defined as a society where a social system is in place in which men hold primary power and are predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property. On the contrary matriarchal society is a society in which females, especially mothers, have the central roles of political leadership, moral authority, and control of property.

Human history has witnessed both the patriarchal and the matriarchal society. In the Stone Age, when farming was yet to be invented and the humans were dependent on hunting to fulfill their dietary needs. So, in the hunting when men were away it were the women who became the head of the family but once the farming was invented, men started to stay back and thus the patriarchal society started finding its roots in the human civilization.

Usually it is truly said that a patriarchal society is not good for women because it favors men. However, no one thinks that a patriarchal society or in simpler words a male dominated society is not good for men too.

A male dominated society sets standards of masculinity and expects the men to act in a certain way and if he does not comply, his masculinity comes under question. These societies projects and promotes role models. It is one size fits all model. Resultantly, a male is more under pressure than a female and the miserable part is that he is not even allowed to show that he is nervous or is feeling week because the society's definition of a man does not allows a man to be weak or anxious.

A patriarchal society projects a man as someone who is a provider, who is the decision maker because he is wise and sagacious; he is responsible because women are not and he is the custodian of honor because women are the honor but they are weak and gullible. So, with this understanding there is no room left for a man to be human. He is not allowed to make any mistakes; the basic human privilege. He cannot falter and will only do good by all. With these desired qualities, all males all expected to act in a single manner or way. You cannot be your own man. Other than being pure evil, one possible reason of bad treatment meted to women at the hands of men is because of their internal fissure and frustration. Their inability to fulfill the role the society expects of them or they do not feel comfortable in their socially defined role and whenever someone points out that and usually it is a woman, they try to suppress it through force and take solace in the social values that makes them, “the man”. 

So, a society where there is equality or near to equality between the both genders, that society establishes space for an individual to be him or herself. That society enables them to grow at their own pace and do not pressurize them with expectations. That society is free from performance anxiety. 

Usually religion is quoted to justify the current social arrangement but interestingly Islam is a religion that in fact preaches gender equality. Its understanding of gender specific roles is based on the roles that are assigned by the nature to men and women. They are the way they are because the nature wants it to be that way. Those roles are not transferable and are meant to be performed by the particular gender. Otherwise, it does not give any superiority to one gender over the other.

I am not favoring any deviance from social or natural segregation; I am talking about stereotyping masculinity and for that matter femininity. There should not be some set roles that only a male should perform because of his gender. For starters we can make the kitchen a gender neutral territory or taking care of the family not a woman only thing especially holding a child. Roles like these should not be restricted to one gender. The society should be open and should make room for any such role "reversal". Above all should stop judging, every household has their own problems and many fail to come out of these problems because there answer to that problem is not what the society advises. The book of solutions that the society gives you at the time of orientation needs some amendments now and the time is ripe for these long due changes.

This blog was also published by the Dunya Blogs. Below is the URL:
http://blogs.dunyanews.tv/24789/

Happy and Happiness

The novice, standing by the door was looking at everything with great amazement and wonder. The people in the room were simple people. It was not like that the room was filled with rock stars or sportsmen. Like I said earlier, the room had normal people leisuring and acting all normal. But the thing was that the novice had never seen normal. He knew no happy faces. For him a world where being happy is a possibility does not exist. There was no planet where smiling people lived. Even if there was one, he was not aware of it.

But the people who were laughing, the object of his amazement, were they really happy? The answer varied but all of them were trying to be happy. Nobody can ever be happy without trying. It requires a lot of practice and hard work to stay happy. Staying happy is not some involuntary action. You cannot observe happiness, you can only feel it.

The novice was fooled by the sight like most of us; who think that they are happy but sorrow nests in them. The mirage that the happiness is, is a web that entangles the strongest of the strong, it fools the wisest of the wise.

If you are fortunate, it comes to you and if you are not that lucky then you have to walk to it. The distance may vary, sometimes few steps and sometimes a journey needing you to crawl through waters full of crocodiles, land that is mined and air that is un-breathable.

But the pursuit of happiness is a stimulant that is at par with father’s tap on your shoulder and a mother’s prayer for you to succeed.

The reality is that there is no thing called happiness in this world. The reality of happiness is that when the pain is bearable and sufferable it can be called happiness and if it is otherwise than it is the opposite of happiness.  So, if you want to stay happy make sufferings of others and yours sufferable.   

ہم نے اب یہ سوچا ہے

ہم نے اب یہ سوچا ہے
ہم زندگی یوں گزاریں گے
جس سے لڑنا ہوگا
اس سے بھڑ جائیں گے
جس کو جو کہنا ہوگا
اس کو وہ کہہ ڈالیں گے
کیوں کہ
ایسی ساری دیری
دل میں نفرت کو جنم دیتی ہے
اور ہم نفرت کے ہاتھوں ہار کر پھر
نہ کچھ کہہ پاتے ہیں
اور نہ ہی ڈھنگ سے لڑ پاتے ہیں

Me and my future wife

When it comes to marriage in general and a wife in particular, my knowledge is based on observation alone with no personal experience so far, I am like the kid in the toy store who wants every toy he gets his hands on (Not in a Charlie Harper kind of a way). 

Let me establish one thing here that the above statement is not with regard to some number but I am specifically talking with reference to qualities. Thus whatever I have observed and deemed it to be a good quality, I added that trait to the resume that my future wife to be has to fit in. The qualities my better half should have, have piled on over the years. So, if I ever have to publish a matrimonial advertisement, it will read like this:

A 30 year old not so white, curvy around the edges boy (still calling himself that) wants the hand of a girl in marriage along with her rest of the body and a bangla in People’s colony (a quality that made its way to the list when I was at the Punjab College). The girl should be a super chef, who is a PhD in Physics, has won an Oscar and a Nobel Prize and has at least won a silver medal at the Olympics, says her prayers five times a day, observes purdah and can keep my mother happy. Can sing and write poetry. Should have authored at least 3 books and is an administrator of two face book pages and five whatsapp groups. Working women can also “apply” but only if they are a CEO at a Fortune 500 company. The age of the girl should not be more than 20 years. Beauty pageant winners will be given priority.

But then I read somewhere that a woman is the reflection of his man. It changed the equation for me. Even if I get a girl with all the above mentioned qualities she will still be my wife and if I am a bad guy she will be the wife of a bad guy nothing more nothing less. So, since then I am trying to be worthy of my future wife. I am working hard on my short comings (which I will not mention here as they might harm my any possible chances). So, as Gandhi Saa’hib once said that be the change you want to see in the world, in pure matrimonial terms, I say that be the spouse you want to marry. 

نفرتیں

نفرتیں ہم نے جیب میں ایسے رکھی تھیں
جیسے وہ کوئی ریزگاری ہوں
اور جو راستے میں کوئی ملے
اسے اس میں سے کچھ حصہ
دیتے ہوئے چلے جائیں
پر ہر دفعہ
ہوتا ہے کچھ یوں کہ
میں جب بھی واپس لوٹتا ہوں
میری جیب میں پہلے سے زیادہ ریزگاری ہوتی ہے

بلا عنوان

جو حزن اس کی آنکھوں میں ہے
وہ اس کی زبان سے نہیں جھلکتا
صبر اس کا ایسا ہے
جو کسی بہلاوے سے نہیں بہکتا
بات تو عزم کی ہے
انگارہ تنہا بھی ہے دہکتا
دور آسمانوں میں ستارہ بھی ہے چمکتا
فرصت کسے ہے
وقت کے ہاتھوں قید ہیں سب
خواہش کیا بلا ہے یہ کوئی نہیں سمجھتا
وہ جو اس کے وجود سے ہیں بے خبر
اسے کیا معلوم کے سارا چمن اس کے وجود سے ہے مہکتا
انجام کیا ہوگا ابتدا کیا تھی
سوال کرتا ہے وہ جواب نہیں دیتا