Decoding Successful Marriage

Hitler said about marriage that “it is a war in which the enemies sleep together”. History has proved that Hitler observed everything with a single perspective and that was war. However his assumption about marriage is not as faulty as his assumption about Stalin and Soviet Russia was. Hitler cannot be considered as someone credible or the right person to talk about marriage as he remained a bachelor most of his life and when he eventually married, he committed suicide after few hours of his marriage. It is yet to be decided that whether he committed suicide due to the setbacks to the German Army on the war front or because of Eva Braun.

This piece is not about Hitler or his marriage; what I am aiming to discuss here is how we can make a marriage successful. Please do not expect me to share any scientific formula of successful marriage in this piece but I would like to share some steps which will help in making marriage a success story. Marriage is not war in true sense but it is a battle where you face bad days and not so very bad days.

First and the most important step required to be taken to make a marriage successful is “respect” and respect should not be limited to the partner only as it should be extended to the partner’s family and friends. Respect is the cement which makes the bond of marriage strong. Respect is the ground on which the tree of trust grows and without trust no relationship can survive.

After respect comes “trust”. Trust is integral for the success of any relationship. It is imperative that the two partners (i.e. husband and wife) should trust each other. Many relationships have doomed mainly because they lacked trust in them. Getting married is a leap of faith but as the years grow on the relationship starts to get stronger and stronger but only due to trust. So, women, trust your men and men trust your women.

Then comes flexibility. The word “sacrifice” or “compromise” can also be used in place of flexibility but both the words are kind of heavy words so, flexibility is better suited. No relationship can thrive with stubbornness; one has to be flexible and elastic. Now a day’s most of the marriages break only due to the stubbornness of one or both the partners. It is better to remember that your relationship is above any trivial thing and it is your relationship that matters more than any of your insignificant opinion. It is not only a single partner’s responsibility to show flexibility as marriage is not a clap of single hand. Marriage is something which takes two to tango. One aspect that is more relevant to women is to get rid of the victim mentality because such mentality leads to self-pity which is injurious for any relationship.

Another step that should be taken for making a marriage successful is giving personal space to your partner. Marriage does not restrict or limits growth of any individual. In our society husband kind of enjoys an upper hand so it is more of his job to give his wife opportunities to grow and find her true calling. As the times are changing it is important that wife should be able to contribute to the family income. So, a wife should be provided with opportunities to realize and actualize her true potential.

The last step deals with the children. Parents should be friends with their children but they must not make them a party to their conflicts or fights. It is impossible for any child to pick between his/her parents. It is for parents to understand especially mothers that their children are not their army which they can pitch against their better halves. It is difficult for any child to judge his/her parents, if somehow they are made to do this then the negative aspects of the parent’s personality will highlight and this will make it difficult for the child to love and care for his/her parent. This thing moves in a full circle so if now one parent is facing a hard time from the children then sooner or later the other parent will also face it.  

Like countries no marriage is perfect. It is the duty of the both the partners that are the major stakeholders of any marriage to work on their relationships. Families act as a basic building block of any society and it is the home which is the first learning ground of any individual. It is necessary for the family to be strong and united because broken families produce broken individuals. So, love your life and your wife.