It
was 11 in the night, when he started writing, writing about the times that
could be something; times that were great and brought a lot of joy to him. His
happiness was real but today mean the present his now is sorrow so, the good
past haunt him a bit more haunt him because it makes his present a bit more
unbearable.
In
those days he knew a girl. Remember it is always a girl. Knew is inapt, he
loved the girl. However, he also knew that that girl was surely out of his
league. He thought of telling her about his feelings, once or twice but as he knew
that he will be rejected or set aside thus he never spoke. On the other hand,
the girl always waited for him to say. You know, girls are this way, they want
to be loved, to be cared and to be told how much lovely they are, how much care
they deserve. She was the similar type not like the girls of today who do the
talking by themselves. So, she took the matter in her hands and told a friend
to tell him to tell her that how much he loves her.
He
upon listening was red faced not with anger or anything but because he felt
like somebody has just called his bluff or caught him stealing red handed. He
told the emissary that it is all just a figment of her imagination and he never
loved her.
How
twisted it may sound to you now but in his head then all this was enough.
Knowing she loved him or if not love, want him was enough for him. He realized
that what he knew about himself was all wrong; the thing was that he never knew
himself. He never loved her; he just wanted her to notice him. Just to know
that he existed, getting more than what he hoped for was a bonus and he was
happy with the bargain.
Now,
when the reality has kicked in the loss seems to be irreparable because now is
never was. Now when he knew that he knew nothing, the time to learn was already
gone.
He
while writing realized that a thought needs a face of words for it to be seen
and he never knew the right words because inside he never knew the answers because
he never knew the question. Now when he can tell you many words those words
have lost their meanings and impact and he is left only with the knowledge that
somewhere, sometime ago, some girl had some emotions for him. The knowledge
which was once his pride today is his biggest regret.
